Moments and Memories – Disease and Hope
Every moment of our lives adds to the memories we carry with us. Some memories we cherish, while others can bring pain or regret. Sometimes, the moments we never foresee can lead us to experience the most unimaginable and life-changing days.
For me, the greatest gift in life has been family and friends. Without them, my life would be very lonely indeed. Like everyone else, I continue to get older every day. On the bright side however, I get to do that with some very wonderful people.
As the years pass by, I discover time after time that my happiest memories and moments are filled with the people I love.
Sometimes, life can be inundated with obstacles and challenges. Even worse, tragedy may visit to undermine and ravage our lives. Notably for me, disease has brought many uncertainties and also pain and loss into my life.
Nevertheless, I have been fortunate to discover that through all life’s challenges and hardship, the presence of family and friends can make all the difference in the world.
When any disease or accident strikes, it can become overwhelming as priorities immediately start shifting. Many things that usually seem very important about our everyday lives can become almost trivial when a disease or physical setback is life-altering or life-threatening.
You may find yourself thinking earnestly about things you’ve never really contemplated before, things you never wanted to think about; and the fight begins.
Your world can change in the blink of an eye with a diagnosis of disease or a tragic accident. Alternatively, change may occur painfully slow over the months or possibly years of treatments to provide a cure or sometimes, just to keep symptoms at bay. Disease and physical losses do not ask politely to be included in your busy schedule when the time is good for you. Instead, in many situations, they just show up and say, “Hi, I’m your new reality. All those plans you’ve made, you might want to rethink some of them”.
When dealing with these situations , it can sometimes feel like watching helplessly, as your entire world unravels. Any disease or physical loss can lead someone to feel isolated and alone. This is when the love and support of family and friends can be immeasurable.
Every moment we experience, whether good or bad, is immediately left behind as time continuously advances. We hold life’s most excellent and desirable moments close in our hearts and memories, as best we can, and time moves on.
Time is an emotionless and indifferent sovereign whose rule is absolute. We cannot interfere with time, nor can we stop, bypass or reverse its passage. If we observe the second-hand on a clock, time is perceived as moving at a set pace. However, it can feel subjective, depending on what we are doing or experiencing.
Time seems to pass so very quickly for everything that I love or enjoy. On the other hand, it can seem to slow or almost stop in the midst of distress, pain or loss.
Time is not patient, it does not wait for us to be ready.
Furthermore, time does not linger for the moments we desperately want to hold on to.
How do we remember and hold on to the past and still live in the moment? How do we escape the pitfalls of trying relentlessly to relive or recreate something that was very meaningful or special to us?
Don’t misunderstand; I truly believe that it is right and good to celebrate and remember the past. However, I do not want to become stuck or lost in that endeavor at the expense of the present. I don’t want to find myself ignoring the people around me. Likewise, I do not want to lose touch with life’s current opportunities by focusing in an unhealthy way on moments that have already been lived.
What are the best ways to take responsibility for bad decisions, mistakes and regrettable words or actions from our past? How do we repair these situations in a positive and selfless way? How do we successfully move beyond past mistakes and avoid repeating them in the present and future?
Sometimes, I make good decisions; not perfect by any means, just good.
Even so, I am only human, and I make mistakes.
There have been times when I have completely failed both myself and others.
If I am honest, I must admit that I have said and done things in the past that cause me remorse. Impulsive behavior, bad judgement, anger, sorrow, fear of the future and uncertainty are a few of the companions to some of my most distressing words and actions.
Some of my mistakes were truly unintentional and only discovered by me in hindsight or by someone else pointing them out. Sadly however, some of my regrettable words and actions were completely intentional in the moment they occurred.
The passage of time has allowed me chances to see, understand and acknowledge past mistakes. More importantly, time has provided me opportunities to try to change for the better and make amends.
How do we move forward after losing something or someone that means the world to us? In the aftermath of a devastating loss, how do we open ourselves up to really, honestly living again? Personally, how do I reclaim the ability to truly hope and dream like I did when I was much younger? How do I rediscover the ability to trust in life?
Throughout the years of my life, I have accumulated many happy memories.
I also carry memories that cause pain and regret.
Almost 20 years ago, I was able to realize and live a very important personal dream, something I never thought would happen. I was given the chance to work for the one person I truly wanted as a boss and mentor.
Since that time, I have been fortunate to work with other very incredible and talented people. The most challenging job I have ever had, is also the most rewarding.
Almost 10 years ago, I survived a high speed, head-on collision. I was not at fault in this accident and I was very fortunate not to have sustained catastrophic or fatal injuries. Unfortunately, I did sustain a permanent injury. However, the permanent damage to my body was treatable, and for most of the time since has been manageable with caution and care.
Medical treatment and rehabilitation helped me overcome the initial accident. Since then, I have included some specific exercises, as well as limitations and changes to my physical activities, to strengthen my body and help prevent further complications.
Several years ago, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. This disease basically causes my immune system to mistakenly attack some of the healthy cells in my body.
This has been challenging and somewhat life-altering; however, it is still manageable with medication and dietary changes.
Over the years, I have witnessed family and friends struggle with cancer. Some survived, however cancer has claimed far too many loved ones.
Additionally, I have witnessed people close to me endure and sometimes die from the effects of other, various diseases.
Disease has had a profound impact on my life.
I feel fortunate to have fond memories of good times spent with family and friends.
Furthermore, although I do not travel extensively, I have had opportunities to visit places that were amazing and wonderful to experience.
Truthfully, I don’t want to try to offer a simple summary of my reasons or intentions for this website and my writing. However, I can tell you a few things that I hope for below.
I hope that I can hold on tightly to all my most excellent and treasured memories and still live in the moment.
For today and in the future, I want to avoid repeating past mistakes.
I hope to discover insight into some of the diseases, physical complications and losses that have affected my life and the lives of others.
If possible, I would like to try to use some of my life’s painful moments in a way that might be positive or helpful to someone else.
I desire to find a way to accept the pain of loss. Death is the loss that I feel most intensely. However, losses can also occur through the changing seasons and circumstances of our lives. Friends and loved ones can take different paths in life. The people that are very dear to us may move on to a future that does not include us or that makes relationships hard to maintain. For whatever kind of loss, of a loved one or a friend, I desire to accept those changes, even if painful, so I can more freely and completely remember, celebrate and hold on to the bond of those that have gone from my daily life.
Finally, I hope to find ways to use the time I have on earth more wisely, to live life more fully, to take more good chances and to dare to hope and dream.
October 24, 2017
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